Wanting To Help
Dear Siouxsie,
I keep seeing these horrible hate crimes against Asians and Asian Americans, which obviously is terrible, and should stop immediately. But as a white person, I don’t know how to have that perspective of Asians who are afraid for their lives because of their race. I know you’re not a racist obviously, so what’s your opinion on this? How do I support and (correctly) react to these hateful attacks, and blatant racism?
Sincerely,
Wanting to Support
Dear Wanting to Support,
First and foremost, to all of my readers, the hate crimes (call them what they actually are) against the Asian and Asian American community I’ve been hearing about recently are outright displays of horrifying racism and need to stop immediately. If you support the monsters needlessly hurting these people, stop fucking reading this and go reevaluate your unbelievably shitty life decisions. I have no tolerance for racism and neither should you. (For more resources on how to combat racism against Asians and Asian Americans, read the P.S. at the bottom of this letter.)
Now, onto your current concerns, Wanting to Support. I first want to commend you on your wanting to be an active ally, which many are either unwilling to do, or do it in a far more performative way. I do think this is a tricky thing, navigating how exactly to be an ally, and because it’s the only thing I can offer, I’ll give you some of my personal experiences, how to learn from them, and use some of my knowledge.
I used to know a girl who, out of the blue, used the n-word one day. I know that this isn’t anti-Asian hate, but it’s my own experience with racism, and I think it’s good to note, but not compare anti-Asian racism and anti-Black racism). She was white, and rich, and I had no idea what to do. I was in another room, putting on mascara, and I heard her talking to another friend outside. I was kind of half-listening, and for no apparent reason, while looking at a photo on her phone, said, “N***a where? I can’t see whatever you just sent me.” There was no Black person in the photo, nothing else said about race, just a casual use of an unbelievably horrible racial slur. I remember freezing. I remember the other girl not saying anything. And I remember the girl brushing past her use of a terrible slur like it was nothing. I often say regret is a useless feeling, but in this moment I feel regret is an understatement to what I feel about this, and my reaction. I said nothing. I did nothing. And I let it pass.
I’m not racist, but I let that slide. I should never have. I don’t know this girl anymore, and I’m not sure that she even remembers this instance. But I am more than ashamed of my lack of action. I couldn’t call myself an anti-racist in that moment, and as I educated myself on how the history of that word continues to hurt and haunt the Black community, I grew more and more ashamed of the fact that I did nothing. I don’t know who to apologize to, but I made the decision to never, ever again watch microaggressions or outright racism without speaking up. I made the decision that I’d put myself on the line to fight for marginalized communities, to fight for what I now know is right. In that moment in the bathroom, where I heard that girl say what she said, that racist slur, I should’ve intervened, stepped out of the bathroom and asked her, “Did you just say the n-word?” I should have told her how wrong it was, and educated her on her either racist actions or just ignorant ways.
But I can’t, and now all I have is regret. So, Wanting to Support, I want you to learn from this horrible mistake I made. Never, ever let things like this slide. Speak out, and when you hear someone say something that even vaguely sounds racist or wrong, ask them to clarify. “What do you mean by that?” “Do you know how wrong that is?” “Do you understand the history behind that word, and why it’s not okay?” Hold friends, family, random strangers accountable for their actions, because if you don’t, you (and me, and the rest of the world) allows microaggressions and “less bad” acts of racism to slide past, and contribute to the greater monster at hand. I’ve challenged close family members, good friends, and loose accuaintances to change their views and made them more aware of microaggressions they’d unknowingly said or did, and while it’s scary, this is what being an active anti-racist is like. Yes, telling someone older than you they’re wrong is scary, or correcting your best friend’s incorrect wording is uncomfortable, but it’s the only way we’re going to get anywhere, and it’s the non-performative, proactive way to fight commonplace racism.
Use your privilege Speak out. Be willing to put others’ opinions of you on the line to defend and combat the wrong you’re seeing at hand. Learn from my mistake, and subsequent journey to educate and reevaluate my responses. In a time where people attack elders for their race, and many Asians/Asian Americans are afraid to even leave their homes, do what you can: donate if you have money, educate the ignorant people, and work to understand even a fraction of the fear some have felt or currently fear, simply because of their race. And to those who say “all lives matter” or “blue lives matter” or even “he had a bad day” (a special fuck you to Jay Baker, the man who said this about a murderer who killed 8 people, 6 of whom were Asian American.)- go fuck yourself. All lives don’t matter until those that are marginalized do. So, Wanting to Support: I’m glad you’re ready to support, and I hope you’re ready to start correcting people for their incorrect views, because it’s time for it to start happening for real. I’m right behind you.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie
P.S. Here are a few resources to educate yourself and support Asian-Americans:
Bystander Intervention Training (free): http://chng.it/VWH6jyPpNm Learn how to actively combat instances of racism
Donate to a GoFundMe for victims (and/or their families) of anti-Asian/Asian American hate in Atlanta: https://www.gofundme.com/f/for-husband-of-soon-c-park-victim-of-spa-shooting https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-loving-memory-of-sun-cha-kim https://www.gofundme.com/f/atl-spa-shooting-family-survivor-fund-jami-webb?qid=61604a45edbe1687ebe53b98c6c165f6 https://www.gofundme.com/f/memorial-for-yong-yue-and-family https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-memory-of-hyunjungkim-to-support-my-brother-i?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_source=customer https://www.gofundme.com/f/atlanta-spa-shooting-victim-paul-michels?qid=b564b6cab57570edebf936e99d1f1243 https://www.gofundme.com/f/funeral-and-family-financial-support https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-elcias-hernandez-ortiz-cover-medical-bills
Donate or educate yourself on the Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund: https://www.aaldef.org/
Educate yourself and others, and sign a petition to stop anti-Asian Hate: https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkdw4z/attacks-on-elders-asian-american-community-racism-covid?utm_content=1612816113&utm_medium=social&utm_source=VICE_twitter http://chng.it/Kd69khKvzr
P.P.S. If you want to reach me, just email desperatelyseekingsomeadvice@gmail.com . I’ll respond in the upcoming week!