Fear Of Missing Out
Dear Siouxsie,
Spring Break is coming up, and while I’m really excited for some time off, I feel like I’m just going to get lonely after the first two days. I don’t have that many friends to hang out with, and I’m not sure what to do other than just sit at my computer more, which I’m kind of sick of. I feel like everyone else is going to go somewhere, or go places with a friend, or go to the beach with someone. How do I have a good spring break where I’m not lonely and missing out the entire time?
Sincerely,
Fear of Missing Out
Dear Fear of Missing Out,
To be honest, I don’t have a ton of friends either, but I seriously wouldn’t let that stop you. In truth, we’re all thinking the same thing: I have no friends and I will be lonely forever. This isn’t true. Honestly, I don’t know why we’re all so concerned with having enough friends to be cool, or feel like you actually have friends. Feeling “popular” or whatever is unattainable, because even the popular people don’t think they have that many friends. So let’s all be honest: we all think we’re lonely and don’t have enough friends, when in fact even just two close friends is enough to have a social circle.
There’s something very human about feeling like people are having fun without you, even when they might not be. We all waste a lot of time thinking about how we can have fun with people and get in on the action too, but more often than not, there isn’t a party you could be at, and there is no event that everyone’s going to. We’re all sitting at home and wishing we could have a good time with friends when everyone wants the same thing, and we’re just too shy to ask. I really don’t believe you have one or two friends that you can hang out with, so why not just ask them to hang out? And if you really feel like you have no friends, text a classmate you think is cool. Or dm someone on Instagram. The only thing that’s stopping you from making new friends is yourself, I promise. Unless you live on a potato farm in the middle of nowhere Utah, I’m very confident you can make friends. Or you can make friends with the potatoes, I don’t know.
Another thing: what’s stopping you from having a good time mostly by yourself? Ask your parent/guardian to drive you to the beach! Find a fun place near you that you can walk to! Force yourself to shut off your computer, because while it’s the easiest thing to do, you’re just going to have a better time if you do anything but stay online. (Yes I sound like your mom/dad/grandparent/mom friend.) Boredom is a gift sometimes. You create things, you force yourself to go outside, you dye your hair. It’s good sometimes. Leave the house! Even if it’s just having a picnic in your backyard, it’s so good to just go outside. And if you really feel like you need time with someone, text a friend, or text someone who could potentially be a friend.
I stopped caring about others’ opinions a very long time ago, when I was little, and I cannot tell you how many times it’s helped me. Friends tell me they’re worried about self-image, or how people perceive them, and while I understand them to a certain extent, it confuses me why we all spend so much time trying to view ourselves through others’ eyes. Allow yourself to stop caring about what others think about you. I mean, to a point. For instance, if everyone you meet says you’re a raging narcissist and asshole, don’t just say, “I don’t give a fuck about what people think!! People’s opinions about me are invalid!!!” because you may very well be a terrible person and the fact that seven separate people are telling you that might be a hint. Common sense, I guess. So throw most of your worry that people perceive you a certain way out the window, because who the fuck cares? (Also, it’s the pandemic and we’re all having the worst year of our lives. Let it go.)
We’re all afraid of missing out, FOMO. In fact, the reality of feeling this way is quite the opposite: everyone feels like they’re missing out, which is kind of a paradox. You have the capability to have a relaxing, more isolated spring break, or you can have a fun, exciting break where you do something every day, go outside, make things, and hang out with a friend at least once. So here’s your quote for this week (again from David Sedaris): “Wants to set the world on fire, and if it can't happen by tomorrow morning at nine a.m., then life's just unfair and hardly worth living."
Are you going to wait for the world to start burning, or are you going to buy the hot-pink BIC lighter yourself?
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie
P.S. If you want to send me an email and ask me for some advice, email me at desperatelyseekingsomeadvice@gmail.com . I’ll be quick to respond in the upcoming week.