Sick Of Drama
Dear Siouxsie,
My life feels like an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Every day, there’s new drama between my best friends, and every time we hang out, it’s full of backhanded comments and jokes that are a little meaner than they should be. I’m not the center of the drama, but I always get dragged into whatever petty argument is going on. Thankfully, we’re not in school right now, so I don’t have to deal with it every day, but at the same time, it’s worse because they hang out too much and have more fights with all this free time. For example, the other day my friend was complaining about her ex-boyfriend (who was also involved in a bunch of the drama in our group, before he broke up with her), and her friend made a sarcastic joke about him. Being incredibly dramatic, she took it the wrong way and got into an argument with her friend, accusing him of defending the guy who’d broken up with her. Now, they’re refusing to talk to each other, and they’re both texting different group chats about how annoying the other is. I can’t take it! I don’t mind drama, in fact, I like gossiping, but it’s too much. I just can’t take how MUCH drama they have, and for no real reason. How do I figure all of this out?
Sincerely,
Sick of The Drama
Dear Sick of The Drama,
Look, I’m no stranger to drama myself, but in your case, it sounds like things are getting ridiculous. Having your life be a reality show isn’t the most fun thing in the world, and while it’s fun to gossip about the drama other people are having, it’s not fun to be dragged into it 24/7. I would say just keep yourself out of it, but it seems like that isn’t an option for you, and I’m sorry about that. But let’s not run away from the problem: your friends are drama queens, and it’s not great for you to be dragged off of the sidelines, or be forced to skirt their fragile opinions.
The problem with all of this is stepping on toes. Everyone’s gonna be mad at someone for “being rude to me”, even though they’re probably not, and it’s exhausting to step around someone’s tender little feelings. Ultimately the thing that needs to happen is either they change, or you distance yourself. Spending all that time and energy being overly nice to people with little outcome is ridiculous. Sometimes, you have to say (not necessarily to their faces), “Fuck you, you’re being too much,” and just walk away.
But let’s back up a little. What exactly is in it for you? Are these people actually people you’d like to be around a lot, or do you just feel beholden to be nice to them for whatever reason? Weigh your options. Don’t be afraid to think about things that you genuinely have reservations about: it’s okay to not like these people! Putting all of this good, positive energy you have into negative, unrewarding energy from your friends is a waste of time, and an insult to your mental health. Bottom line: if they’re not worth it, they’re really not worth your energy, time, love, care, and mental capacity. In fact, you don’t owe them shit.
However, if they’re worth it, work through it. And by worth it, I really mean that. One good experience doesn’t count as worth it. If your friends (or really anyone in any context) brighten up your day by just being around them, it’s worth it. What do they actually offer for you? Do they encourage you, help you, support you? If yes, then you’re gonna have to step on some toes while you rebuild all of this. Sit down and talk to them, all of them, about your feelings, how you feel about all of this, and don’t compromise your own feelings. If you feel yourself avoiding the fact that someone hurt you, or someone made you sacrifice your own personal energy for them without retribution, then don’t push past it. Be honest about how you feel. Then, when all the cards are on the table, tell them that change needs to happen, and if they can’t respect that, you’re just not going to be involved with them as much. It’s not worth your time! Be willing to set up boundaries, and let it be a somewhat messy process. Change doesn’t come easily, and it’s going to be difficult to alter habits that have clearly grown out of control.
To be honest, this all feels very middle-school era for me. I remember everyone had some kind of drama in middle school, and every day, there was some kind of new gossip about what the other person was doing, and how mean or stupid that person was being. It was pretty ridiculous, and definitely felt super childish. It’s not fun to feel childish when the people in question are approaching the end of high school, it’s embarrassing. Do you want to be known as the middle-school drama group or the decent people? It’s your choice, and everyone else involved has the right to respect that. Start small: take some time to yourself, hang out with other people if you can, or just be on your own for a while. It takes some self-reflection and introspectiveness to be able to make a bigger decision like this.
Or start big, I don’t know. If you’re just sick of it, demand that you want to talk to them face-to-face, whether today, tomorrow, or just soon. Tell them exactly what you’ve been going through, and how you feel, and don’t hold back. If they disrespect your opinion, then that’s on them. You deserve good energy, love, and care from your friends, as do all people. Fuck bad energy. Fuck people who don’t respect your feelings and mental health. Prioritize you for a second, because you need to. Overall, I think the cards are in your hands. You can stay silent, and suffer because of it, or you can instigate change and do what you feel is good for you. Do it.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie
P.S. Email me at desperatelyseekingsomeadvice@gmail.com , I’ll always respond!