Unsure
Dear Siouxsie,
I’m going to be going “back to school” at some point this year, and although I’m not worried about school itself (I actually really miss it), I don’t know how I’m going to go back to school in general. Because some friends aren’t very good at texting, and others just drifted away, I don’t know what to expect from my friend group, and I’m worried that I’ll feel alone and friendless. How do I prepare for this, and should I be nervous about my friend group? Please help.
Sincerely,
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
I think I speak for most of the world when I say we’re all pretty unsure right now. I’ve also been alerted that going back to school, whatever that means, may happen in the future, and I’m also pretty nervous but excited about it. To be honest, I don’t think any part of this is going to be straightforward, unfortunately, so be kind to yourself and others.
Speaking of being kind to yourself, this is a good time to make excuses to take care of yourself. Change is messy, and you’ve gotta remind yourself that you’ve been doing the same thing nearly everyday for months now. Pay attention to yourself- do what feels right to you, and trust in your own ability to make the right decision for yourself. For example: you’re not being pressured to do all of the things you would do post/pre- COVID. Just because there is a social opportunity, doesn’t mean you have to take it. Plan ahead for weekends to relax and set aside time for yourself to just be. I like to ensure that there’s at least an hour or so every weekend for me to just sit in a bean bag and read, go online, or watch something, guilt free. That’s a pretty simple example of stress-free time, but I encourage you to plan to do this when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
About your friends- I can relate to this. I absolutely agree: who am I even going to sit with when I want to hang out with school friends? I have friends from two separate friend groups, and I don’t even know what our friend groups are going to look like. Although I have to remind you: we’re all fucking lonely, whether you’re in school, working, have friends, or not. If you feel isolated or are nervous about not having friends in a weird COVID-y world: everyone is, and you should remind yourself of that.
I’m a bit of a floater when it comes to social groups, and I’m normally not even sure of where to sit at lunch, or who I want to hang out with, so I feel a bit more comfortable with being unsure of who exactly my friend group is, and I’m used to the idea of just feeling around until I find someone who is also a bit lost. If you see someone that looks a bit lonely, definitely stick with them, and find solace in another person who’d have probably been incredibly lonely without
your kindness. Be brave for a bit! Put yourself out there! Come on! I’m running out of weird positive affirmations, so let’s just leave it at that, shall we?
Normally, I’d share a relevant anecdote, offering wisdom from myself or others’ stories, but we’re in uncharted waters here. Nobody can really say what the whole experience will be like, other than it’ll be odd and jarring, as much as I wish I could offer some references from my life. I want you to note this, Unsure. We’re all confused and nervous, as much as we’d all like to just go directly back into our lives. One thing I think is really helpful to just reach out to some of your classmates, and talk about how you’re feeling. I promise you’re not alone in your feelings, and it will definitely help to go back into school with that shared knowledge, and connection between all of you.
The last thing I’ll say is that while this is a kind of stressful time, I personally am trying to look forward to all of the things we’ll finally get to do, school included, and I think a good way to both start going back to somewhat normal and feel less unsure is do some fun things with your friends from school. Ask a few classmates to have a picnic, or get to know another student by going to get some food. (I’m kind of hungry right now, so both of those examples were food-oriented (sorry).) Give yourself time alone as well, as none of us are used to more public activities, such as school. In general, I think you’re right to expect some difficulty transitioning back into the “real world” (God that sounds wrong- has it really been almost a year? Yikes.), but be kind to yourself and others. I promise you’ll be okay.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie
P.S. For easy access, I’m putting my email here again: desperatelyseekingsomeadvice@gmail.com. I heavily encourage y’all to email: I’m always around, and I’d love to get to know some of you.