Awkward
Dear Siouxsie,
There's a few people in my online classes who I want to be friends with since I think they're cool, but one in particular is in the grade above me and I've barely talked to her. I'd feel so awkward messaging her out of nowhere. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Awkward
Dear Awkward,
I can definitely attest to having awkward, stilted conversations with older, much cooler students at my school, and it is very strange and uncomfortable at first. Especially right now, reaching out is odd and unusual, and I commend you for trying to expand your social circle, when many of us are very lonely. I myself have struggled to even text a close friend and propose a simple call. So before anything else, I want to give you some snaps for even thinking or considering making a new friend in a time when “friend” has an odd meaning.
I have a story similar to yours, except I was the older student who was approached by a younger, very sweet student. My school sometimes has these huge Zoom meetings where a few teachers and very overager students talk about some issue or another, and the majority of the school turns off their cameras and mics and pretends to listen. I was minding my own business whilst on one of these calls (yes I use the word “whilst”, I’m not uncultured), when I got a random Zoom message from a random person who I had no idea who they were. (I’ll call the student “Erana” for obvious privacy purposes.) Erana apparently noticed my hair color, and shyly complimented it, which I was very flattered by, and we struck up a conversation about hair dye, our school, and TV shows we liked. I was having a very dull week up until that point, and after exchanging phone numbers (my idea, I thought it would be a good way to have a slightly younger friend at school), Erana and I have been texting on and off for a few weeks now. I was wonderfully surprised by this kind and adventurous little seventh grader, and I could tell we were both a little lonely, and grabbed onto our little texts for some way of connection. I sometimes get a “hi, how are you?” text from Erana, and we exchange some information on how our lives are going, then wish each other well before ending our conversations to go off to dinner, bed, or whatever’s keeping us away.
It was enormously courageous of a seventh grader, who didn’t know me at all, to decide to compliment me and strike up a conversation, and I was impressed by Erana’s desire to simply talk for a bit. I think you can take a bit of wisdom from this, Awkward, and I want to show you how nice it is for someone (especially an older, college-stressed, and probably a little lonely student) to get a nice message. Whatever grade or stage of life this cool, older student is in, they’d probably be flattered by a simple compliment on their appearance or just a reply to one of their Insta stories. I think it would be good to start your conversation on Instagram, speaking of it, as it’s more public, and you can start the conversation with a reply to one of their stories, or that y’all have a friend in common. Be willing to put yourself out there, and I promise you’ll at least get a polite response. Well, hopefully more than just a “polite response”, because that would be pretty pathetic on the cool student’s part to just have a basic response to your kind message. Hint: flattery is always nice to hear from a younger, seemingly nice student! (Humans are kind of shallow.)
I have few friends who are seniors (I’m a sophomore), and while one or two were kind of standoffish and cool towards me, several have been very kind and helpful to me. I was aware of how annoying a younger, very talkative student can be, but once I found several seniors and juniors who seemed willing to just have a casual and supportive friendship, I was surprised by their kindness. Note the word “casual”. If they make it clear that they aren’t in the mood to talk, don’t take it personally! They might be a raging homicidal maniac, now that I think about it, but let’s assume the bare minimum and say they just might not want to talk. Text back, when they text you, but don’t be frantic in your need to respond- nobody’s life is on the line! On the whole, just keep it easy, and be patient. People can be hard to talk to, and some are a lot more closed off than others, so I would treat this more as a fun and easy little conversation, and your (hopefully) new friend will see that you’re just curious to talk to someone who you find interesting.
Before I go, I’ll just make myself sound far more intellectual than I actually am and quote a famous author. “What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it,” from David Sedaris. I don’t think your brain is malfunctioning and I don’t think you hate your mind, I just think you should ignore whatever weird thing your brain is yelling and go for it. We all have those inopportune, unhelpful thoughts and delete that text and run away because we’re too scared to text the person we think is cool. Ignore the voice in the back of your head, ignore the doubt, and just put yourself out there. I promise you’ll do fine, and if not, nobody’s telling you to find that off switch for your brain. I believe in you.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie