Overwhelmed
Dear Siouxsie,
I feel so overworked and overwhelmed all the time, from school, my parents, my friends, and literally everything else. I feel like I never have time to relax or do something I actually want to do, and every time I finish one thing there’s another problem or assignment to handle. If I were to start listing all of the things I have to keep track of, this email would be too long to submit. What do I do, Siouxsie?
Sincerely,
Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed,
This sounds like a lot. And I think we’ve all felt this way: work, school, family problems, health issues, errands to run, payments, bills, assignments- they’re all in there, and at some point in our lives (actually more than one point in our lives) it feels like there are too many things to even remember. It’s really, really common, and I think that everyone needs to address it more often. Half the time, those people who always seem so on top of everything and so organized actually sit in a public bathroom and cry while eating McDonald’s fries because they feel so overwhelmed all the time, and because of how much stress they’re under to do all of those things in an organized manner. Everyone in the world has felt like they’re drowning in a sea of responsibilities and things to do.
Now, I don’t know what your family and friends are saying to contribute to this, but I suspect they’re either pressuring you, giving you more problems to worry about, or simply not acknowledging your struggles. I say this not as ridicule to them, but merely what I myself have experienced. They might mean well, but they can complicate things sometimes. If the people around you are the ones adding to your feeling overwhelmed, then take a second to consider how they’re doing that.
Here’s a quick little test to see if someone is trying to encourage you in a tough situation:
a) When a difficult situation comes up in conversation, do they criticize you overly harshly?
b) If you mention your problems and feelings, do they offer (however useless) advice?
c) Do they make you feel worse or better simply by being around them?
For “a”, if you answered yes, it might be a good idea to talk to them about boundaries, because if you feel like they’re pushing you too hard, tell them that. Sometimes, people mean well, but they don’t know how you feel about their contribution to the conversation. So tell them about how their pressure and/or criticism about you makes you feel.
For “b”, if you answered “yes”, then they might be trying to help you. Listen to their advice, but if it’s shit advice that’s not helping you, nod and then never use that advice. If you answered “no”, they’re not trying to help you in that area. You deserve good advice, so go to someone else you trust.
For “c”, if you said they make you feel worse, then heed your gut reaction and distance yourself a bit. You want to feel inspired and comforted by the people around you, and it might be best to just take a step back. I also think you should talk to them directly: “I’m struggling right now, and I’d really appreciate it if you could help me.” Then they’ll know that you’re not doing so well, and they’ll hopefully try to help. If you said they make you feel better, then you’re in a good place. The people around you have made it clear they want you to succeed, and they’re trying to make an effort for you to have a safe and supportive environment.
After that test, how do you feel about the people around you? Do you feel like they’re the right people to be around right now? Are they worth your energy and time, both very precious commodities right now when you’re spending a lot of both to get through each day? Sometimes just taking a step back from a few people can make it a lot easier on you. You can always come back to them, but you need to focus on you right now. Because if you don’t step back for a second and focus more on yourself, then you’re heading down the road to burnout. And once you’re burnt out, there’s going to be consequences on your mental health if you continue to push through it. Burnout, lack of motivation, mental breakdown: they’re all grouped into one cigarette ash-colored corner that keeps you there far too long, and only when you catch your breath and stop drowning you can leave the corner. So focus on yourself. It’s okay. I promise. You just need to be aware that right now, you’re spreading yourself very thin, and you have to recover.
Start checking in with yourself and noticing how you’re actually doing, because you’re caught up in everything around you, and not looking at yourself. In terms of practical suggestions, I really think just getting good sleep is one of the first steps. Yes, I know you don’t want to hear that. However, it’s very true. Along with eating healthier (and regularly), as well as exercising. Take care of your body, because when your body is a lot better, your mind says, “Well, if the rest of us are doing good, I guess I’ll do good as well? That sounds nice.” Then, I also think writing down everything you need to keep track of or complete is really helpful as well. Once everything’s on paper, prioritize: what needs to be done soonest? What can you do quickly? I have a journal (yes dorky I know) where I write down all of my homework and things to do, and it’s really satisfying to cross things off a list, and be able to confidently say that I’m done for the day. By the time you’ve crossed all of the things off for today, go take a break. You, me, your lizard- we all need time off, whether it’s eating a cookie, reading for a few minutes, or taking a long bath. I really hate inspiring quotes that white moms like to put on their kitchen walls, but “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Take the time to recharge your batteries, and refill that cup.
I know it’s really hard right now, but things will slow down eventually. Focus on yourself, and take time this weekend to rest and recover. Self-care isn’t just face masks, it’s also sleeping, eating, and taking time away from your computer. Being overwhelmed is difficult, but I promise things will slow down, whether you force them to, or they do naturally. Take care of yourself, and I know you’ll be okay.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie