Confused
Dear Siouxsie,
I’m a straight 15 year-old girl (pretty average I know), and I know it’s cliche, but I’ve liked this guy for years. I don’t know what to do at this point, to be honest. He’s sweet and funny, and I’ve kept trying to forget him and go out with other boys, but every time I think about those other boys inevitably I think about this guy. Everyone keeps telling me to just go for it, but I’m not sure what that even means. Is it worth it at this point, or should I just get over him?
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
The first thing that comes to mind when I read your story was Jesus Christ- Just go and say you like him! I’ve gotta be honest, there’s a reason why people keep telling you the same thing: life is too short and too unpredictable to hold onto stupid regrets.
I used to like this guy, and not unlike with your “sweet and funny” boy, I was too scared to ask him out. I’d search up his Insta page, see the girls who commented on his posts, thought of a thousand crazy ideas. Finally, I found her- my crush’s girlfriend. She was everything that I was not: cool, popular, alt, everything. The little heart emojis my crush had commented on all of her recent posts just sweetened the deal. I locked myself in my room and sniffled and cried and resolved myself that I would just have to wait another however many months before they broke up so I could, guilt and jealousy-free, stalk his Insta and imagine what we’d be like as a couple.
This was not a smart move on my part. I needed someone to slap me across the face and scream, “He’s not worth your tears, especially right now!” And it’s true. Don’t torture yourself, Confused. If he’s happy with some other girl, wish him well. You care about him, so why wouldn’t you want him to be happy- even if it means he’s with some other girl? But if he’s single…
Fuck it. Call him. Text him. DM him. Tell him outright: “I know this might not work out, but I want to be more than friends. I want you to know just how much I care about you, and how much you mean to me.” You have the power and the ability. I know you do, bub. Either way, he’ll appreciate your honesty, and he’ll respect your courage. If he says no and goes about it in a rude way, fuck him. If he says no and says it really nicely, I gotta give him some respect for being an adult (though he's just a teenager. Wait a second- if he’s over 18, what the hell’s wrong with you?? Get help from someone professional!). If he says no, either way, your everlasting Gobstopper of a question will be answered, and you can finally move on with your life and get a better, hotter, newer crush who will kiss you on a street corner at night with your hands wrapped around his and your heart beating so fast you’re gonna have to stop and just breathe for a bit afterwards.
But if he says yes, you’ll feel like someone came by and showered you in flowers and your stomach’s gonna have glitter sloshing around in it and you’re gonna yell and scream and hope that it never ends, because sometimes the universe says, “Okay. Let’s make it fucking happen!” and cheers you on as you cry happy tears while listening to Katy Perry. I hope that, if you do actually go through with this thing, that he does say yes and all of these great, amazing feelings will rush through you. I really do, Confused.
On a side note (sorry, these do happen), we’re in the middle of a pandemic. If he does say yes- and again, fingers crossed!- many things will be different. Instead of dates, you’ll FaceTime. Instead of kisses, you’ll say, “I wish I could even hold your hand or something.” Instead of romantic hugs, you’ll walk next to each other and try to communicate how much affection you feel for the person in a mask walking 6 feet away from you. This is the sad truth, bub. Your life is somewhat on hold, and that includes your physical relationship to a hopefully wonderful boyfriend.
I’m not saying this to make you feel discouraged, merely to put this in perspective. Just… keep this in mind.
With all of this being said, if you take anything away, remember this: you may never get a second chance to tell this wonderful, lovely, charming and attractive man you like him. Just tell him how you feel, and hope that he feels some shred of the affection you have for him. And trust me, it will feel so damn freeing just to tell this one, stupid boy that you want him. Ultimately, don’t look back, and don’t worry overly much about what’s ahead either. Trust yourself and your emotions.
Just go for it.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie
