Vaguely Disgusted Outsider
Dear Siouxsie,
I’m not too concerned with my general image to others (how cool I am or whatever), but I see all these other girls and I feel like they’re trying so hard to be cool, kind of the exact opposite of what I’m doing. Underage drinking and drugs, sex, and being pretty are an obession for a lot of people, and I don’t get it. These people actually look shallow and unpleasant to the majority of people, rather than crazy and fun. I guess my question is, why do people try so hard to be cooler than who they actually are?
Sincerely,
Vaguely Disgusted Outsider
Dear Vaguely Disgusted Outsider,
Ah, people. Aren’t we fun sometimes? To be honest, I don’t get a lot of why people make the decisions they make. Logic is often thrown out of the window, for the sake of something that doesn’t make a lot of sense. At literally any age, there are going to be people who’re trying to be something they’re not, whether to make themselves feel more interesting than they are, or to appear cooler to those around them. There’s a subconscious need for us as pack animals to feel liked, and feel like we’re part of a group, because it’s necessary for our survival. But the lengths people go to in order to feel accepted are often ridiculous, and backfire, leaving the person feeling lonelier and more left out than ever. It’s depressing to watch, though we do love to hate people and watch them fall.
Seeing someone desperate to be cooler than they are is easy. Literally just go on Instagram. Social media is the perfect cesspool for desperate, insecure dipshits to yell about how interesting and fun their lives are, even though EVERYONE knows they’re sad and need friends. There are 3 common groups of people desperate to be cooler than they actually are: teenagers, desperate influencers, and weird adults having a midlife crisis. (I’m not saying all influencers are desperate, but I AM saying there are a hell of a lot of desperate influencers out there.) Teenagers are often the cringiest because they have no sense of self-awareness, and (hopefully) in like 4 years, they’ll spend a lot of time trying to erase their teenage selves from the internet and trying to forget that they really did think that outfit was cool. It was always gonna be a phase, mom. Don’t worry. Most teenagers are trying to appear older than they actually are, because being a teenager sucks, and looking like you do cool adult things is always more interesting than doing homework and crying in an empty bathtub at 2 AM. Then we have the struggling influencers, desperate for clout, sexy pics, and attention. They’ll do the TikTok dances, hauls nobody asked for, and take genuinely embarrassing photos of themselves in their underwear or swimsuits. We all love to hate them. Finally, we have the adults having a total midlife crisis. Some of them have significant others who are twenty years younger than them, who make them feel young and hip again, while others wear cringey imitations of what they think “the cool kids” are wearing these days. It’s okay to be yourself, random man on Instagram. Just stop trying to act like you’re “so cool and young,” because people would much rather just see you being yourself and embracing life rather than doing those horrible TikTok dances.
You described the people you’re thinking of as “underage,” which makes sense, because they’re currently in their embarrassing and cringey teenager stage. Trust me, you’d much rather be on the outside and rolling your eyes at them than be stuck with them. My nightmare is getting drunk or high with those awful Instagram bitches, and I can imagine it’s yours as well. I’m glad you’re on the outside looking in and not forced to participate. Because what those people are doing is struggling. Your question is a good one: why do people expend so much energy trying to appear cooler than they are? I think you could approach this from a psychological standpoint, or you could give it a more wishy-washy answer, so I’ll do both.
Firstly: like I said before, humans like to feel like we belong. (I say “we”, although some of you might be sea cucumbers, I don’t fucking know.) FOMO, loneliness, and imposter syndrome are all proof of this. It’s not your fault, it’s just the way we’re wired. I’ve talked about it before, but fitting in used to be a sort of tribal mechanism: if people like you, they’ll remember you, and when a threat looms over you and your tribe, you won’t be forgotten, and you’ll stay alive. So we all instinctively want to be liked and remembered. It’s natural for you to want to be liked, to be the person in the middle of the group, not the one trying to hear the conversation. So when you see those people trying to be cooler than they are, it’s that tribe mentality: be remembered, fit in.
But there’s also an easy answer: wouldn’t it be nice to have everyone want to be like you? Isn’t it nice to be desired, to be envied, to be the subject of jealousy? Whether it’s your social life, your friends, your body, your face- being the subject of all of those feelings is desirable to most people, whether subconscious or not. So those wannabes you’re talking about: they’re coming from a place of insecurity. People think they’re the leaders, but the leaders themselves don’t feel like the leaders. People secure in themselves don’t need to take a picture of their summer body or their cool clothes in order to feel validation. They want to be wanted, and they spend a hell of a lot of time trying to get there. That energy, to me, is useless. Put out the energy you feel is most honest to you, and people who’re like you, people who admire and care for you- they’ll come to you. If you’re fake to people, fake people will be around you. Make sense? Good. Because you know what you’re doing, and be glad you do, because those gross Instagram bitches don’t, and they’re generally confused and insecure. Give them a few years to sort themselves out a little.
Situations like these remind me of the early 2000’s, an era of flip phones and rhinestones, bad girls trying to one-up the other, always a fight for the top. An infamous photo was taken of the resident LA bad girls in 2006: Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton. They were notorious for clubbing, insanely rich lifestyles, and sexy scandals, and the photo made the front page of the New York Post with the title “Bimbo Summit”, setting off a wildfire of media coverage and speculation. Every time I think about those wannabes trying to be cooler than they actually are, especially the people you’re thinking about, VDO, I just think of Bimbo Summit, and the insecurity and nasty backstories all over that photo. So every time you see any of those people who you know are just so desperate to appear cooler than they are, treat it like another Bimbo Summit: they’re having problems of their own, and they need to figure it out, but for now, we’re just going to leave them alone, and try not to get involved. Keep doing your own thing.
Love and kisses,
Siouxsie
P.S. Email me at desperatelyseekingsomeadvice@gmail.com , I’ll always respond!