Every Bad by Porridge Radio
by Lana Fleischli
Sometimes I feel like I’m overly dependent on people in my life. It’s as if my self-worth comes from people’s perceptions of me. I was especially thinking about that this week while listening to Porridge Radio’s, Every Bad. The album’s themes and the music itself expresses and evokes so much emotion.
Every Bad has a significant theme of dark mindsets and dependence. In the song “Sweet,” Dana Margolin talks about how her mom gets upset when she “bite[s] [her] nails right down to the flesh.” She repeats the phrases, "I am charming, I am sweet” and “And she will love me when she meets me" over and over, and what starts as a pretty melody turns into a bout of wailing. Her screams add a whole other level of emotion to the song. The song turns into the idea of dependence because she repeats the phrase, ”you will like me when you meet me”. I took that as a need to prove herself to one person, which shows how her self-perception is only how others view her, so of course she wants them to like her. She also sings about the relief she feels when the person she is singing to needs her, which is also a sign of dependence.
The mindset is one that I feel many can relate to. You don’t wanna feel so attached to other people, and be pathetic. It makes you feel better when people need you.
The song “Born Confused” has the similar rhythm of repeating the same lines again and again. The lyrics express a lot of self-doubt, and sadness. In “(Something)” she talks about having trouble showing affection and love. Even though she continues to refer to “you” (whoever that is), the songs are actually about her own self-perception. Throughout the album, she is taking an internal look at herself and exposing the darkest of thoughts, which is an incredibly powerful thing to do.
The last thing I wanted to say was that when I heard these songs, I was taken aback at how vulnerable she was with the music. To me, it felt like a rebellion, because it's LOUD, and women aren’t “supposed” to be loud. They are supposed to be quiet and polite. I have been told way too many times that my laugh is too loud, or that I talk too loud, and at first, it was off-putting to hear a woman scream her darkest emotions, but that’s what is so amazing about this music. Her screams made me feel her pain.
I feel like listening to this album made me take a look at my inner self. I got to reflect on how I let my self worth be determined by other people. Whether it’s being overly dependent on others, or being told I’m too loud and trying to change that, Every Bad made me think, and makes me continue to think about how I get to decide my self worth, and no one else can.